Picacho 2003 or “How I nearly ran off the road”

It all began on Thursday May 1, 2003 in Northern California. I left Aptos at about 2:30 PM. I made decent time and was at Johnny’s house in Dana Point by around 8:30 PM. Jim had anticipated my arrival and had already left home to meet me there. We then headed for Uncle L’s for camping supplies. We arrived at Uncle L’s around 9:45 PM. Somehow we lost track of time there and didn’t leave until around 11:15. I talked to Dave-O just before leaving he assured me it would not be more than a 20-min drive. Famous last words. Well we ran in to our first problem and we were still in San Diego! The freaking highway that Dave-O lives off of was CLOSED! So we had to do exactly what the directions said not to do and keep going on HWY 125. We took the first exit and pulled over to call Dave-O for directions. When we got hold of Dave-O he didn’t recognize the road we had turned off on and said he would have to consult the maps. While we were waiting I noticed that there was a lot of traffic going down the road behind us, sure enough this was almost a direct connection to Dave-O’s place! Got luck this timeJ

Got to Dave-O and had a beerJ it was just after midnight. The night was clear and warm and from

Dave-O’s we had a great view of TJ! We decided to climb up the hill to the water tower and have a beer and smoke. The hill was steeper and longer than it looked form down below (how would have knowJ) and I was pretty breathless by the time we reached the top. God I’m getting old. From the top we had almost a 360° view. It was a nice dark night as the moon had already set but San Diego and TJ lite the place up.

When we got back down to the house we were all ready for another beer.......then another........and another......About 2:30 AM we finally had our last beers and headed to LALA land .......that is for about three and a half-hoursL. When I woke up I didn’t even feel like I had slept. Well might as well get this thing started on the right footJ We had a fresh breath and packed the car. Dave-O got Mia ready and took her to grandmother’s house. We ended up leaving later than we planned but at least Mark was picking up firewood so we wouldn’t have too. We had arranged to meet up with Mark at the beginning of the 4X4 road and to shuttle him in.

We left around 9:30 AM I was sure that Maxwell was well on his way by now (both driving and drinkingJ). Well the drive was pretty uneventful for us but Mark ran into an accident in SD that put him back a little. We hit the 4X4 road, it wasn’t too bad, just the last part as usual. BEER. We saw a couple of deer on the way in. When we got there the place was empty. I couldn’t believe we had beaten Carl out! We did a quick unload so we could go back for Mark, Dave-O came along for the ride. Mark had bought a ton of firewood, don’t think we’re going to run out! While we were loading up the CORD of firewood Danno, Paulie, and Jimbo drove up. What timing! That calls for a round of BEERS!

By the time we had returned to camp Carl and Jeff had arrived but there was no jetski. It turns out (Paulie has confirmed the testing) that even though Carl had started up the jetski the last couple of weekends when he got out here it just wouldn’t start. Just like a jetski, this has happened to me a couple of times with JJ’s jetski. It seems to be a theme with them, I wonder if the road has anything to do with it? Anyway Carl is convinced it is either the battery (hoping and praying this is the problem) or the connection at the starter auto-kill switch. He promises to get up early and make a run to get that badboy going in the morning. But for now the task at hand BEER! We had several groups come by looking to camp at 4-S but all seemed to decline when they saw our camp and flagJ.

We have some beers, we stake out the tent, we have a beer, we assemble the poles, we have a beer we raise the tent, we have a beer, we pee, we have a beer, we have a beer....you get the idea. About two hours later the camp is setup complete with U.S. flag, a new beer flag, and the new “Camp Run-A-Muck” sign (compliments of Terri). Now that we are in the right frame of mind it’s time for some of us to paddle across the river and jump off a 30ft rock into an 8ft deep hole, can we say college education? You can see the pictures at: www.coppock.com/danno/pics/picacho/.

After they survived the dive we decided it was time to run up to Outpost and put-in. The weather had been beautiful dispite the forecast of possible rain. If it rained we would be totally screwed, luck we have lots of beer and food. Still we knew this was supposed to be the best weather for being on (or in some cases in) the water. We got to Outpost and immediately began to be devoured by mosquitoes! We unloaded the trucks and put-in as fast as possible, Dave-O didn’t even wait to put on his skirt before pushing off. As it turns out he really didn’t have a choice, the loaner skirt for his kayak didn’t have a very good lip and basically took two people to get it fastened down. The white water kayaks were a real bitch to paddle up-river because they didn’t want to track into the current. Down-river was a different story, mine was ultra maneuverable and after a few minutes I was used to the steering. Dave-O’s kayak was a bit more problematic. Paulie is on the surfboard with 2 float cushions and a PFD and he’s still too heavy to float. Danno and Paulie switch places. Note to self: must figure out a way to rig a beer holder on the white water kayak before the next trip! It was very difficult to hold a beer and the paddle and promoted alcohol abuse, i.e. spillage.

When we got back to camp Carl was still saying “it has to be the battery” J

I’m not sure when but at some point Paulie does his impression of a gull dying (see movie).

We built a roaring fire and then out came the red cups and dice (see photo’s). Yes now the road ever downward, liar’s dice. Jeff and Mark had only played liar’s dice a few times and we were all pretty hammered by the time we started. It took a few hands for them to catch on but then they were doing fine (I think Jeff got fooled twice before he started screwing other people). Apparently they weren’t playing well enough for Paulie though. After about an hour Paulie started to suggest (rather forcefully) that they should just sit out a couple of rounds and watch the masters at work. Mark immediately made Paulie drink (see picture of Paulie crawling after falling out of chairJ) We then played several hands with Jeff and Mark “Observing” and Paulie drinking. Paulie had fallen into that old trap of liar’s dice discrimination. When Mark and Jeff re-joined they made Paulie drink more. I crashed sometime around 2 ish after helping Paulie to his tentJ Dave-O says he spent part of the night on his “porch”. Before we crash Carl assures us one more time that he will get a battery in the morning and the jetski will be running.

Six thirty AM and Carl is giving revelry! He and Jeff were fixing Bloody Marys! Well what the hell I’ve had 8 hours of sleep this trip. It’s a bit chilly but nothing a few layers and a shot of hot damn can’t fix. Carl and Mark (?) head our to get the battery and some ice and more beer (we drank a lot the first night, who would have know) Oh yeah I forgot the store is gone! Yes that’s right completely gone! The rest of us mope around camp, have breakfast and prep our boats. Paulie decides to go back to his tent and get some more shut eye, he makes it (crawling) as far as Dave-O’s porch. He claims it’s not a “Dry White Toast Day”.

To our Shock and Awe Mark shows up on the jetski! When Carl returns he has bounced his truck a little too hard and the tailpipe has broken loose. We rig it with some cables I had but will have to take it easy the rest of the trip. So we make a run down to leave the pick-up vehicles at the second dock. Jim drives Carl’s truck and babies it all the way down. Even so we loose the cable and have to re-rig. On the way down we ran into some newbies that were trying not to scratch the paint on their 4X4’s, amateurs.

Carl tries to dusts us with his rooster tail on the jetski but instead pulls a Mark and it’s ramming speed (see Picture). As usual we aren’t ready to get into the water until almost 1:30 PM. The line-up ends up being: Jimbo and Paulie (Cargo) and Danno in the Green Burrito, Jim and BEER in Jimbo’s new inflatable (the Budwiser truck, just like brother Phil), Mark on the jetski, Dave-O and I in our kayaks and Carl and Jeff and BEER (a dangerous combination) in the red canoe (the swamp boat). Carl and Mark almost beat Carl and Bennie’s record for going in the drink! The beer was safe. Paulie is threatening to tip the GB unless they give him a beer!

Carl and Jeff prove to be the best entertainment on the river (as testified by several campers and boaters). On last count I think it was 15 times in the river? That works our to once every half mile. The day turns out to be much better than forecast and is warm and partly cloudy. The river goes by fast (it was up so beaches, and thus breaks were few) it only takes 3 hours to make the trip down to Picacho. We see Carl and Jeff only about 10 or 15 min behind us.

I admit we did get a little distracted by the Yuma Christian Girls group but I don’t think we would have missed Carl and Jeff floating by the dock but 45 min later (trucks loaded and beers drank) they still hadn’t appeared. We split the last beer, there was trouble brewing. We ran out of beer once, it was ugly. We decided we couldn’t wait any longer (except for Cargo how was asleep in the truck) and decided we would cram 6 of us into the 4runner. Cargo took its usual placeJ.

When we returned to camp it was like the dust bowl, I should know I’m and Okie! The wind was blowing a good 25-30 mph with gusts to at least 50! The sand was blowing everywhere. Who knows how much of our stuff blew into the river, luck for us the beer was too heavy. Mark had been cleaning up and securing the camp for the last 45-min. Even with our tarp-wind block sand was blowing into our eyes, ears, etc... several people went to there tents to get away and to catch some Z’s. Where the hell are Carl and Jeff?

After about and hour of the sand torture I turned to Danno and said, “ I smell this trips disaster coming”J.

About 7:30 PM (3 hours after coming off the river) we are starting to really get worried and concede that we will have to make another trip down to see what happened, even if they are just partying with someone else. Dinner will have to wait. We head down (Danno, Mark, Jimbo, and myself) and as we get into camp half and hour later, it’s dark now, and we top a hill to see.... Carl’s truck high-centered on the edge of the road with a 15 or 20 foot drop off on one side (see picture). Jimbo takes pictures and writes DSG on the back of the truck. We decide we should check both docks, the ranger station, and the camp host. We get to the dock where we were supposed to meet and they aren’t there. The ranger station is pitch black and the camp host is useless. The other dock is empty as well.

Now what? The camp is pretty full this time of year there must be 20 to 30 sites filled. We slowly head out from the dock. The second camp we come to as a slew of SUV’s and trucks and there is a guy walking by the road. On a whim Mark leans out the window and says “ Hey you haven’t seen to big Dumb Asses without shirts have you?” The guy turns and say’s “What are their name’s”. Mark reply’s “Carl and Jeff”. The Mystery guy says “Get the hell out here and get those dumb asses out of here”. It turns out to be Bob Bener (sp?). I don’t think Carl and Mark had ever been so happy to see us. Carl was so shocked when he saw Mark he thought he was hallucinating.

As it turns out Carl and Jeff had run into Bob at the first dock and had started to party with them. By the time they realized they were at the wrong dock we had already left. They got in the truck and took off for camp. It was just before sunset. As Carl turned the corner to head over to camp he also turned into the sun. You have to understand that once you get on the dirt road your windows are completely covered with fine dust. So as he turned the corner he was completely blinded. Of course since it was Carl, he was driving too fast.... did I mention we stared drinking at 6:30 AM? I’m not completely clear on what happened next but somehow the rangers got involved. This would be (as Carl affectionately calls her) the same “Dike” he almost ran into a couple of years ago. At any rate it comes down to a sobriety test, which Carl fails, the back up being Jeff drives. He blows a .17 they don’t even ask Carl to blow. They ask if they know anyone in camp (it’s a 2 hour trip one way to jail and they don’t want to go). Bob takes custody of them and the rangers take custody of the truck keys. Bob’s crew gives them shirts, feeds them swordfish, salad, and potatoes, but restrict them to one beer! Carl is outraged! Jeff understands the situation and appreciates it. They are just about to go to sleep when we show up to rescue them and take them back to the land of food and BEER!

Once again it is a ride up with 6 in the 4runner, this time I’m the cargo. By the time we get back to camp the sandstorm has died down to just and occasional gust. Finally WE can have dinner and more beer. As usual there is a feast with more food than we can possible eat. I crash around 12:30 AM. Still no rain as a matter of fact by 3 AM the skies were clear and the stars were fabulous. I don’t think Jim ever woke up after returning from the docks.

We start early the next morning. I have Mark back at his car a little after 6:30 AM. We chased a couple of burros through a canyon just before getting to the car. We have camp broken down and are headed to get Carl’s truck and our boats by 8:00 AM. We get Carl’s truck unloaded and the ranger brings shovels and a tow chain. I still had a lot of driving to do so when we left Carl and Jeff were digging the drive shaft out and the ranger and Danno were hooking up the chain. You’ll have to ask them what happened there.

Thirteen and a half-hours and 1333 miles later I arrived home.

As it is written so it is!